Eulogy

I’m Jonathan but today, that name matters not – today, my name is simply “Daddy”. That’s how Caitlyn called out – even in recent months as those teenage hormones kicked in!

I was particularly taken aback last Easter when I picked up Caitlyn. I sat patiently on the sofas of Wendover House waiting for my daughter to appear – unfortunately, I didn’t see her coming and she side-swiped me, pretty much tackling me onto the sofa.

It’s a myth that people with autism don’t have much emotion. We do – it’s a LOT – but it’s amplified and it’s internal! We are so often misunderstood: in fact, Caitlyn LOVED so, so intensely but also so, so, internally. I think about that moment a lot because I didn’t realise that someone so grown up could be the exact same 4 kilograms that I picked up on the day she was born.

ACT 1: A FULL LIFE

I’ve been looking at a lot of photos the past few weeks, and this is what I found:

Obtaining her Scuba Diving licence age 10
Golf lessons and Tennis tournaments
Child model age 9
Camping in the Brecon Beacons
Growing up in a Scottish nursery
Helicopter rides across glaciers in New Zealand
Exploring the Australian outback in a Campervan and active volcanos in Iceland
Skiing across Japan
Horse riding lessons in Malaysia
Hunting Rifle Marksmanship
First Driving Lesson at age 13
Hiking the Great Wall of China

…Even I was surprised how FULL a life, Caitlyn lived in the six thousand and forty one days (6,041). Rick Warren puts it well: Life truly IS a temporary assignment.

ACT 2: FAMILY

Even as she ventured into the big wide world, she was able to do that from the comforting foundation of family. In recent years, the family foundation tragically fragmented but LOVE continues in many forms: Sisters; Parents; Extended Family; Friends; and the School Community.

To her Sisters – Caitlyn adored her two sisters: Bia and Eleanor. Bia and Eleanor, she adored both of you and you will continue to know it through Caitlyn’s story. You were both such a core to the joy in her life.
For us Parents – Jesus chose to bless Tara and me with role of Caitlyn’s mum and dad – we didn’t get everything right, but that is what it is to be human. We are only ever loaned our children on earth. Whilst I would have loved to spend many more years holding Caitlyn, tickling her, and cuddling her, it was not to be. Caitlyn is now back with her true, perfect Father in heaven.
For Extended Family – Caitlyn adored all of you. She was blessed with the full spectrum of flavor, frustration, and family! Sadly you will now have to cut your own grass, feed your own chickens, and pluck your own berries… but know that Caitlyn will be inspecting from above!
To her Friends – Friendship was so important to Caitlyn – community is important to us all. There are oscillations of emotions in all teenage friendships but let me deafen you with this whisper: you friends were so, so, so important to her. She loved you all (and analysed you all!) so deeply – through the ups and downs and ESPECIALLY when you might not have felt it. She loved you very much.
To the Wycombe Abbey School Community – I dropped Caitlyn off at Junior House in September 2018. From that day, Wycombe Abbey became her second family: her home from home. You taught and educated Caitlyn: The subjects matter not, but Caitlyn remembered your humanity, affection, and empathy. You taught her about life.

ACT 3: MUSICAL THEATRE

Caitlyn loved musical theatre. I was once forced to watch Hamilton with her and I must admit, even I have become a fan… so it’s apt when I quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda in Hamilton:

Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?
But when you’re gone, who remembers your name?
Who keeps your flame?
Who tells your story?
I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings.
You really do write like you’re running out of time.
And when my time is up
Have I done enough?
Will they tell my story?

Today, we are gathered here to bid Caitlyn farewell and Godspeed. It’s cliché to say, but she WILL live on, in our hearts. If I may plagiarise the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda… Will THEY tell [Caitlyn’s] Story? Who lives, who dies, who tells [Caitlyn’s] Story? Will you [all here, in this room and watching online today] tell [Caitlyn’s] Story?

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So I end this Eulogy by asking you all today, on behalf of Caitlyn… will you commit to honour Caitlyn by living your life to the full: Absolutely you must take the time to mourn today, and then heal for tomorrow so that you can all thrive here on Earth. Will all of you continue to tell Caitlyn’s Story? Bia, Eleanor, family, friends, teachers, educators, politicians, media… she NEEDS you to tell her story. As you live each day, you WILL tell Caitlyn’s Story, and your life will be the most eloquent tribute, for my daughter.

ACT 4: AN UNFINISHED STORY

Honour the memory of Caitlyn, by thriving on this Earth and telling her unfinished story… and it is unfinished… A few days after her death, I found a musical composition that she had started: a concerto… Caitlyn’s composition is short, but I hope that you will all hear a glimpse of what the Earth will now mourn.

God Bless you Caitlyn. Thank you for all you gave us. Thank you for the future you have bequeathed.

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